Dancing on the Head of a Pin

There is a legend of St Thomas Aquinas asking "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" At this blog we ask all questions dealing with our faith and spirituality. Some are down to earth, rubber meets the road questions, while others are more lofty...like, how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

This Week's Attempt at Humor

Here is today's column from the True Citizen. I was running out of "nothings" to write so I solicited some problems for an advice column:

We have a sprayer who comes in the office. His spittle output does not seem affected by certain words -- it's just constant. To make matters worse, a co-worker always offers him mixed nuts -- then we're hit with brown stuff that resembles the gook babies make on teething cookies. We try backing up, but are always eventually pinned to the wall. Yuck ... what can we do?
- Sprayed and Nuttered

Dear Sprayed,

To find true happiness you must look at each event as an opportunity and not as a problem. What you perceive as a plethora of Planters pounding your personal space (say that five times fast) is really an opportunity to make enough money to quit your current job and be rich enough that you can ban sprayers from ever coming near you. Let’s look at the facts; you have one sprayer, add nuts, and the result is mashed peanuts that a baby would like. Bingo! Do you realize that the Gerber Company makes $712 million per year from baby food alone? But one thing the Gerber Company does not have is an entry-level product designed to introduce babies to peanuts. Pediatricians advise parents not to give their children peanuts due to possible allergies, but if they had something soft and mushy, like what your sprayer is so willing to give, they might be able to safely introduce peanuts to a younger audience! Every morning before you go to work, apply an herbal face mask. When your co-worker comes in, invite him into your personal space and keep feeding him the nuts, the nuttier, the better. As he returns them your way, the “gook” as you so condescendingly called it, will be securely caught by the mask without raising your ick factor because it won’t actually touch your skin. When your sprayer leaves, carefully remove the mask and preserve the new goldmine baby food product. See how quickly a worrisome problem and become a financial opportunity? This will not only benefit you, but think how you will help the larger economy. How many more millions will Georgia peanut farmers make because of your innovation? You may single handedly make the Georgia economy the largest in the United States. This income could bring theme parks and professional sports teams to Burke County. The General Assembly might even move the Capital from Atlanta to Waynesboro, all because you thought positive and took the words of Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu to heart: keeping your nuts close, but your sprayers closer.

PS: A new and improved website will be coming to stmichaelsparish.net in the future. What sort of items do you look for in a church website? What do you want to see and what features do you think are helpful?


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